Art Maines LCSW // Hi everyone. I'm a licensed mental health professional (licensed clinical social worker), writing this blog to help you sort through the problem of having your elder parent get ripped off in a fraud or scam. I know this territory because I'm helping my 80 year old stepfather, Bill, recover from it. I'm currently working on a book about this, and what I'm learning along the way(my working title is Scammed! 3 Steps to Help Your Elder Parent and Yourself). I intend that my experience helps YOU help YOUR parent or other loved one.
I invite you to email me at elderlyfraudrecoveryhelp@gmail.com. Tell me your story, share your ideas, offer your suggestions for my book, or just get some support. I'm here for you and your parent.
You can also now set up a brief consultation with me via Skype! Download the software at www.skype.com, and email me at the above address to set up a time.
I'm happy to announce a new feature on my companion website, http://www.elderlyfraudrecoveryhelp.com. I've added The Elderly Fraud Recovery Help Resources Store, with 4 pages of recommended books to help you. You'll find a link to the Resource Store on this page above, just below the title. Also, be sure to sign up for my email newsletter and leave a comment there about what you'd like to see on the website. I add new features as often as I can, all geared toward helping you navigate the maze of elderly fraud recovery and prevention.
"Her mother’s personal information was in the nightstand drawer in her bedroom next to where her mother was staying. Whenever possible, leave all identifying information out of view and reach of others. Unfortunately a lot of people get into this business just for the opportunity to commit fraud. Numerous people who work in this industry have criminal records, and people can get copies of their own criminal backgrounds for a fee. I suggest to Missouri residents that they look at a website called Casenet at https://www.courts.mo.gov/casenet/base/welcome.do. , which is also free and easily accessible. It provides both civil and criminal case information brought against people in the State of Missouri." (Note: If you live elsewhere, take a look at www.criminalsearches.com).
"My other suggestion to children/family of the elderly is to contact the local police department where their parents/elderly family member lives and leave their information (name, relation, address and phone numbers, and the more people the better) for contact. We can log that information into the computer so that if anything would come up with their parent, whether it be fraud or a health emergency, we would have that information readily available to contact them."
Another detective, from North Carolina, said in a recent news article that it's very important to report suspected scam phone calls: "If it was me, I would contact my phone company immediately and see if they can start a trace on the line,” she said. “Then I would call my local police department and have them file a report.” This may help prevent others from being ripped off.
In addition, I encourage elders to share the news with their neighbors and friends. This is the third "R" I talk about in my "3 R's of Scam Prevention": Reaching out. I vigorously encourage elder targets to share the story of the scam call, email, or any other contact they have with unknown people who ask them for personal information or money. Spreading the word to their friends and neighbors helps them feel good about trying to help others, and reinforces their sense of competence in resisting scams and frauds.
Thanks for reading,
These kinds of situations are excruciatingly painful and difficult. The sense of betrayal and violation, anger, loss, and sadness can be overwhelming for everyone touched by elder financial exploitation and abuse. Families can be torn apart, resulting in broken relationships and years of estrangement. There may also be irreparable damage to the victim(s), both financially and emotionally.
According to research from the National Criminal Justice Reporting Service, about 60% of perpetrators were relatives of the victim, most often an adult child. It’s sad to me that the very people who are supposed to be looking out for an elder in their time of need are often the ones exploiting them. The quote about the banality of evil comes to mind.
In terms of prevention, each situation is different, so I can’t suggest a simple formula. Nevertheless, there are some general ideas to consider:
As I've been working on my book, I talked to my own financial advisor about my interest in this subject, and he told me about a couple of examples he had seen recently. The take-away message in both of them was “The more eyes on the money, the better.” He also spoke, as have other financial advisors and estate planning attorneys with whom I’ve talked, about the idea of “layers of protection.” This can mean practices like one sibling being the joint owner of a parent’s bank account, but a different sibling or other trusted party watching the account statements.
A big source of problems can come from providing financial assistance and loans to family members. While most elders want to help out a struggling child or grandchild and find this gratifying, I encourage the elder and their family to think very carefully about what they’re getting into. I recommend a written agreement which spells out the details, and that the giver’s needs for reimbursement always be among the top considerations. Think of this as a contract of sorts, which may carry with it rights to seek legal remedies if need be.
I think it’s also important to pay attention to who has access to the senior. Think about them and their situation in terms of potential risks, which could include things like financial problems or excessive debt, drug/alcohol abuse, overspending, or gambling addiction. Remember: The more (trustworthy) eyes on your parent’s money the better.
This is a very complex subject, and I hope this will get you started thinking about it for your own situation. Remember, for more good books about preventing financial abuse and exploitation, along with scams and frauds, see my Elderly Fraud Recovery Help Resources Store on Amazon.
Thanks for reading,
Art
I believe from my experience that we can teach elders how to recognize both the internal, emotional vulnerabilities they may carry which make them potential victims, as well as the "dead giveaways" of scams. A simple way of thinking about an elder's emotional vulnerabilities is with the memory jogger FLAGS, as in "Red Flags:"
(Note: I want to acknowledge the inspiration for this mnemonic from the work of Dr. Haha Lung and Christopher B. Prowant, in their book, The Black Science: Ancient and Modern Techniques of Ninja Mind Manipulation)
While other emotions can come into play in a particular fraud or scam, this captures most of the emotions that criminals use to hurt seniors.
It's also vital to teach seniors to recognize what I call the "dead giveaways" for scams:
Effectively responding to scams involves teaching the senior about what we call boundaries in the world of psychotherapy. Think of boundaries as being like a fence around your yard: You're on the inside, controlling the latch on the gate and therefore who comes in your yard. The simplest of these is reminding an elder to just hang up the phone when a stranger calls, or not take the call at all if they have caller ID. Another boundary to practice is "Never Let Yourself Be Chosen, Always Do the Choosing" when it comes to home repairs and other business dealings.
Boundaries keep us safe and secure. I encourage you to talk about boundaries with the seniors in your life to remind them to always stay safe by keeping good boundaries with possible scammers when they try to make contact.
Thanks for reading,
Art
As you may recall from my earlier blog posts in this series( see part one, part two, part three), the “evil twins” of deception(deliberately misleading someone for your own gain) and manipulation(persuading someone to DO something you want, mostly without their knowing it) must be present for a scam to occur. Because they are so inextricably linked, I coined the word “deceptulation.” Effective prevention, therefore, must teach the potential victims how to know when a scammer is trying to deceive them with misleading, destrutive information AND get them to do something which benefits the crook and hurts themselves.
I have discussed methods from hypnotic practice (and sales techniques!) which contribute to the criminals’ creation of a destructive, delusional belief system designed to create the mental and behavioral permission within the targeted person so they give up their money or personal information. These techniques include rapport building, which exploits the elderly person’s needs for connection, and “yes sets,” in which the fraudsters build the damaging belief system through getting the victim to semi-consciously answer a series of questions that lead to their taking action based on the scammers’ concocted reality. Effective prevention must also involve ways of neutralizing the criminals’ abilities to gain influence over the targeted senior’s critical thinking.
As I wrote earlier, Daniel Goleman’s book, Emotional Intelligence, describes skills related to handling emotions in healthy, adaptive ways. I suggest this idea extends to the world of scam prevention, in the form of teaching seniors the skills of handling emotional hooks the scammers use to hurt them. These skills apply especially to handling deception and manipulation.
Whenever I present on a topic, I like to give my audience some simple-to-remember memory hooks to further their learning and retention of the material. When I present about fraud and scam prevention, I speak about the “3 R’s” of prevention:
With a combination of all three R's, I believe we can help "scam-proof" our elders from a large number of potentially ugly and painful events.
More about the Three R's in the next post.
Thanks for reading,
Art
In the first 2 parts of this series about the mechanics of how scammers hurt our elders (see my blog posts for 4/16/2011 and 4/25/2011 ) I introduced ideas from Daniel Goleman's book, Emotional Intelligence, and how the crooks use hypnotic methods like rapport building and yes sets to gain unhealthy influence over our parents and other elders. In part 3 of this series I will introduce you to the word I created to describe the essential linking of two interpersonal dynamics to hurt people. The word is "deceptulation." Deception basically means deliberately misleading someone. We can separate it from misleading someone because of incomplete or inaccurate information, but without a malicious intent. In deception, you know what you're doing and it isn't kind or helpful. You're seeking power over someone through lies and omission. Manipulation, on the other hand, is getting someone to do something you want, usually without their realizing it. It's the active part of a scam, in which the elderly person acts in accordance with the crook's wishes for money or personal information for their purposes.I created the word deceptulation as a combination of deception and manipulation to reflect the mechanics of scam victimization. The scammers have to mislead the victim and get them to do what the criminal wants for the fraud to occur. They are creating a destructive delusional belief system in their victim to rip him or her off. Both qualities must be present for this to occur. The fraud artists are amazingly skillful at creating destructive belief systems, but I think we can all help scam-proof our elders with some easy-to-implement ideas.
In the next post in this series I will describe how understanding deceptulation, hypnosis, and emotional intelligence helps us devise more effective ways of preventing scams. I will further introduce you to my simple, "3 R's" approach to scam prevention. The audiences with whom I 've shared this information have found it very helpful, and I hope you do, as well.
Thanks for reading,
Art
I AM A SCAM VICTIM
I AM A SCAM VICTIM:
I am your mother, father, grandparent, stepparent, neighbor, friend.
I AM A SCAM VICTIM:
I was taken in by one of the nicest people I ever met. He cared about me, asked about my grandchildren, listened to my stories. I just wanted to help when he asked me for money or my credit card number.
I AM A SCAM VICTIM:
When I worked I was a teacher, accountant, lawyer, nuclear sub captain, police officer.
I AM A SCAM VICTIM:
I don’t need your blame or judgment, I need your help and support to right the wrong which has been done to me.
I AM A SCAM VICTIM:
I could be you, someday.
Thanks for reading,
Art